My daughter Genna usually sleeps apart from me. This week I've been the one snuggling up to her in the evenings, feeling her soft fragrant hair against my face, warm soft little body curled up against mine, her gentle breathing like a lullabye to my ears. I hold her gently against me stupidly afraid that somehow she might not be with me. I count myself lucky with the loves of my life still with me.

With more than 150,000 killed around South Asia this week from the earthquake and tsunamis, television, print and the web media brought home stories and images of death and more death. An image of a room with rows upon rows of hundreds of babies and children killed in Aceh by the disaster pulled me into depths of despair and depression. The footage of women in India, Thailand, Sri Lanka and Acheh holding onto their lifeless little ones and wailing to the Gods as to why their children were dealt such an unfair and cruel hand, made me hold on even tighter to my little living, singing, dancing, bouncing Genna.

A month and a half back, I had briefly spoken to my wife about spending some vacation time in Phuket or Krabi. I had tentative bookings for flights to both destinations and was supposed to leave 20 December for a week of fun in the sun, hoping to spend the time teaching my daughter how to swim. I was hoping to spring the surprise 3 days before departure as a kind of Christmas present. A last minute demand to be in China and Hong Kong from 19 to 21 December. I was upset and cancelled the bookings to Thailand. Now I thank the company for unwittingly putting me and my family out of harm's way.

I have been to North Sumatra, Phuket, Krabi, Pi Pi Island, Sri Lanka, India and I carried fond happy memories of all these places. Horror has now carved itself a niche among these memories.

This diaster has brought about ironies. More than a hundred thousand poor in these countries have been killed and millions suffering untold emotional pain and losses. By all accounts, they are trapped in horrific conditions with little food, shelter and aid. This is the fate lived out now by the lowest levels in each country's social heirachy.

On the other (higher) end of the social ladder, reassurances have been given that the stock markets and currencies were not severly affected by the disaster. This has triggered sickening buying spress in Asian stockmarkets on companies involved in construction materials, infrastructure building, food and cement. More deaths and destruction is translating into more expected corporate profits . The poor and impoverished have at last made a positive contribution to the stock markets.... with their lives.

I pray that this is totally proven wrong: The Indonesian government's report on the numbers of deaths in Acheh seemed to have held very steadily at around 5,000 casulties from Sunday 26 December through 28 December.... for 3 whole days it ranked behind Sri Lanka and India. Talks of huge amounts of aid coming in from countless sources began on 28 December. Within 24 hours, Indonesia's death toll climbed from less than 5000 to more than 50,000. Actual numbers killed or inflated numbers to attract more aid dollars?

I read in the news that humans of one religion in Palestine are killing other humans of another religion.

....while others have been cutting off the heads of their enemys in the name of God

On Sunday afternoon 26 December, a news flash announces more Iraqi humans setting off a car bomb, killing fellow humans, mostly other Iraqis wearing the wrong type of uniform supposedly working for the occupying American infidels.

And in 2005, more plans are being deviced by one group or another of humans trying to kill off other groups of humans...

Why are they doing this?

More than 150,000 humans did not want to die in South Asia while others cant wait to end their lives in the name of religion strapped to explosives trying to enter heaven's gates via matyrdom in the name of Allah.

The fucking irony of it all.

Its New Year's Eve today, I still feel like I'm in a surreal nightmare.