I feel guilty.... I called a friend and former client, Al, yesterday after more than a year out of touch. He reminded me "I dont see alot of updates or new images on your website except for Vietnam..."

I felt bad.... and gave excuses like 'I've been busy with the new job' and other even lamer comments. Truth of the matter has been that outside of obvious pressures with a new work environment, I've not really made images that I could honestly say moved me enough to give them a second glance. I've been shooting, yes, but somehow I cannot seem to get a grasp on the soul of many situations.

Lethargy? No. Apathy? No. Cynicsm? No.

Despite or maybe because of still being in relative comfortable conditions, the weight of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.... Katrina... Mogadishu.......Dafur...events big and small inflicting monumental human sufferings on millions. The situations in my images pale in the face of these tragedies.

Even Nature seems not our friend.

How then can I remain true to myself on one hand patronizing fellow humans' suffering with a casual 'Oh no...thats sad' while on the other hand toting a camera trying to make mountains out of molehill sized social situations?

I try to escape my conscience by focusing on feeding the family, never allowing my eyes to wander too far from my own personal pressures..... but its not working. I looked at my lunch today at the Il Fiore, a favorite Italian restauraunt....pasta, calzoni, calamari, garlic bread with a nice cocktail in hand....why am I here? This could probably feed 3 whole families in Somalia . Revulsion sweeps over me as I attempt a bite and doggy-bag the rest for the guys in the office

I pray a lot nowadays. I don't know what else to do.

In church on Sunday, I sobbed quietly as they sang What a Friend We Have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

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