We all pretty much know what?s inside most photographers? bags?.camera, lens, filters, flim, spare batteries, cleaning tissues, blower?. No big surprises, until you look into mine?..closely.

Now lets just sit down, put down the ol? Omni Pro on the dinner table and begin the autopsy of the innards of my camera bag. I love my Omni Pro. Despite its stench of year-old sweat and body salts which rival my months-old socks, its as faithful as any dog can be, with me all the time?.and unwashed.



I read the wrapper ?use by April 2000? ?Great Elephant? ?Made in Thailand?. Fond memories of Thailand start rushing back now! I bought it as a pack of 3 and used them as finger gloves when my rain soaked camera decided to deliver a small but extremely painful electrical charge up my trigger finger each time I touched its electronic shutter release button?..HONESTLY!!!

Lesson: Never go on a shoot with just one camera, always bring a spare mechanical camera as back-up. (Real reason: Great excuse to buy another camera. ??but darling, I don?t want to be carrying condoms with me all over South East Asia?.Especially Thailand!?)

Carefully wrapping the Rubber in a piece of newspaper, I?m tossing it down the chute (I don?t think she?ll buy the finger glove excuse). I cant be seen using expired merchandise.

Unzipping an inside pocket, I pull out for you?a half used pack of Wrigley?s chewing gum. I hate chewing gum but its useful in other ways. I have filters in 6 different diameters and keep the gum around for days when I?d bring out a set of lenses with 46mm filter threads and cleverly brought along 55mm filters. I normally give them to any accompanying friends (OR strangers if I was traveling alone) and request that they not throw away the gum when they?re done. De-sugared and massaged by human molars, Wrigley?s gum is great for attaching mis-fitted filters onto the front of lenses. Also, when I need to hold one of the framelines down on the Leica M, I just stick a bit of this on the frameline lever and presto! I get a 90mm frameline?.hands-free, when I?ve got a 28mm fitted on. Why? Make a guess and I?ll mail the winner the rest of the gum pack.

Now what have we here, a dead lizard resting next to an equally dead cockroach, both perfectly dried by my sachets of silica gel upon which they?re sleeping. I guess the zoologist in me really need to bring some animal specimens along to keep the kids educated on the evolution of these significant reptilian and insect species whose sole aim, when alive, is to keep down the global population of humans.

Hmmm?transparent plastic Fujiflim canisters. Oh dear, there?s a dead fighting spider inside all shriveled up lying next to dried pieces of a leaf. I?m sad. It was an extra large one collected from the jungles and I was going to bring it home in preparation for the next round of spider fights with the neighborhood boys?.I apparently forgot about Spidey inside the canister after I got back.

Alright!!!! Out you come you little fellas??(sound of coins rattling all over the table). I never figured why battery compartments are designed that the only way to in-camera batteries was with a small coin to fit against these damn slots and turn them open. Not until I counted the number of coins now lying on the table. I suddenly have coins from, Thailand, Indonesia, Laos, HK, China, US, Philippines, England, Malaysia and pre-War Japan!!! God bless these camera makers from Japan! They, through their ingenious invention of the humble coin-slot on battery covers, made sure the world circulation of coins of 1cm diameter and less would continue to survive, thrive and spread the benefits of coin-collecting globally.
Lastly, I spot a humble tooth-pick sitting quietly in one corner of the bag, sandwiched between its cushions. What ingenious use did I have to keep this sliver of wood? Saving the world? Mini fire-starters? Emergency bone splints for wounded birdlife?

I remember?.I always pick my teeth everytime the fillings drop out.

The End

Postscript: Its always a good idea to keep your camera bag clean and a washing (or disinfection) once every 2 years would be a good idea.